Been trying to replace ‘fuck’ with ‘fudge’ and ‘shit’ with ‘sugar’ but I just can’t do it as well as Ellie Kemper. Might have to look to Adventure Time or something for some alternatives. Suggestions? I called Yoyo ‘fudgo’ today though, it just came naturally :/
I wish babies were more like tamagotchis. Press a button to feed/give medicine/pet. Check on them intermittently, when you’re bored or have some time to kill. Or if you can give them to someone for a bit and just watch them on TV. Once in a while press a button to speak so they know your voice or instruct the person to give them a cuddle and say it’s from mum.
Sundays now require 3 coffees to reach some kind of acceptability.
Going well with new works. Wishing so hard I can paint them for real and not just digitally but I can’t get into painting right now. Too much to handle with a baby and it’s cold in the garage where I paint so I can’t take her in there just yet. Better clean it the fudge up too so when I do go in there and she’s crawling around she doesn’t choke or poke her eyes out with a stray screw/blade/etc. I need at least a good 3 – 4 hour session to really feel like I’ve done something. I tried when she was 5 weeks or so old when she was sleeping more and I thought it might be possible. It’s too frustrating running out to the studio, getting the painting stuff ready, finally getting stuck into it and then have to rush off washing your hands and brushes and changing your clothes to get to the crying baby. These reasons sound like excuses, I’m sure I can make it work if I really tried. I guess that’s the point – I don’t have the energy or mental power to try right now. I’ll have to hold on for a while longer; keep making these drawings and prints, planning and dreaming of a time I can set aside to paint for real. I don’t know when that will be. I feel like I need a holiday to just NOT DO ANYTHING. I just want to read and paint. And lie around being irresponsible. Single mums and mothers of twins/more than one child, mothers with ‘real’ jobs in offices and places away from home, mothers with thriving businesses run from home, mothers working freelance and balancing the sugar out of their lives, mothers being full-on 100% mothers – a lot of respect and wonderment.
Will went off to the mountains to camp in the snow one night on his week off this week. My head said ‘Yes, this is what we agreed to. We’re going to give each other time to fudge off and do our own thing’ but my inner child was saying ‘Wah wah wah!’. I dealt with this by baking up the spare batch of cookie dough I left in the freezer and eating them all. Foresight pays. On the subject of eating, I bit my tongue on Thursday and am profoundly unhappy with the gross discrepancy between the way the wound looks and the way it hurts.
Listened to Gil Scott-Heron’s ‘I’m New Here’ album today, perfect for this Sunday. If you could fudge a voice, surely it would be his.
This has been a bad and brilliant week – boycotted the gym (too tired from preparing the gallery wall for my upcoming print exhibition. I’m convinced.) and got really rather drunk on Saturday night for the first time in too long. Happily kind of hungover now… It was the kind of night where you start off classy with tapas and cocktails but end up with raspberry soda vodka (wtf) and fags on a park bench.
Making progress with my print exhibition. Have 3 – 4 more pieces to finish then I’m done. All the gallery walls are white and fresh, ready for hanging. Also prepping my Shopify site… blarg, how things have changed since I last used this kind of thing! I remember Blogger and Analytics back in 2007 when I was starting out and it all seemed so straight forward and innocent and less money-grabbing wank. Yeh yeh, things change and grow and inevitably those magical, uplifting moments of online intimacy and connection with people across the world and way out of your physical networks dissipate and over time get replaced by nonsensical spam, trolls and bots… So much of this internet stuff is just about preying on your insecurities and naming things big fancy words to hide simple concepts behind complicated phrases. I know ‘you don’t know what you don’t know’ but you don’t need tutorials and ‘hacks’ and ‘experts’ for everything. I miss those days of making funny weird websites on Flash or Dreamweaver with invisible buttons and endless loops and getting excited at the idea that someone would randomly stumble upon my site and enjoy themselves and be surprised. I miss that imperfect, DIY-ness of pre-Facebook, Myspace internet. If there are parallel universes, can there also be parallel internets.
In analog news: Yoyo’s sick has been really disgusting smelling. And I managed to be less involved on the poo delivery front this week – I’ve been more of an audience with a backstage pass. Watched W holding her legs up one morning as she pushed so hard she cried. Was pretty awful but funny in a ‘poor thing HAHAHA’ way. When it finally came out I could see why she cried. I’ve also introduced her to a little hair clip with a bow on it. It kind of blows my mind a bit how a tiny, insignificant accessory can flip the way you see someone’s face. When she wears that little sparkly hair clip my brain explodes.
This week’s (late) blog post brought to you by barely comprehensible notes on my phone deciphered through a multi-faceted, cracked screen because my brain can barely retain enough info to remember what ingredient to add next when cooking dinner from a new recipe let alone WTF happened this last week ! So, quite a week then.
Going back to what I remember most – Saturday. What was supposed to be a lovely fulfilling day completely on my own down in Melbourne to check out a Creative Women’s Circle talk and a meeting with the director of Melbourne International Animation Festival to hatch some plans for Shepparton, started with a miserable hour of driving down dead ends and closed roads trying to find a parking space in North Melbourne. I gave up. Phoned my husband and stress-shouted at him saying that I’m just going to fucking pull the fuck over and cry. Such a country bumpkin these days. I just hate people sometimes. Most of the time. Then I remembered I was baby free, so swiftly found the nearest pub and necked a nice cold pint asap. Top marks. So, the day had some good points at least.
Also this week, Yoyo and I have been busy painting the walls of the gallery we’re (shit, genuinely wrote ‘we’re’ as if Yoyo is also presenting work…!) exhibiting at in August. A bit of a slog turning merlot red walls spanking fresh white – but we’re on our way!! With a little help from our friends 🙂
I also started a new pic. Here is Yoyo doing an excellent job art directing me:
And you know, between art directing and supervising the painting of gallery walls, she STILL has time to train my imagination by presenting me with poopey Rorscharch tests every morning. Perfectly symmetrical brown patterns pressed between her butt cheeks. Some days I’m like, ‘Frog’ but other times it really is just ‘Shit. Shit. Also shit’. They are so amazingly symmetrical though and kind of grossly satisfying in the way that the poo is pressed.. like a penny press, where you drop a cent in and it gets rolled between two rollers to create an oval souvenir with an imprint of some landmark or tourist thing. A perfect oval formed from a pebble of poo. I wonder if there’s a way to imprint something onto it…
oh yes! And I think I hit peak mum last week when I baked cookies, cooked baby food (cauliflower in case you were wondering), made Chinese soup for the husband, and also dinner all in about 2 hours whilst simultaneously feeding a baby and rocking her to shut her teething face up.
And then there was the upsetting, rip-off travesty which was the Van Gogh exhibition at NGV. If they spent as much money on the show as they do on the marketing it might have been half decent. What a sad sight to see one of my fav artist’s work treated like that. I think his popularity would have been startling and touching for him but then he would switch from the euphoria of ‘success’ to a manic anger and then he’d cut another ear off and shoot himself all over again. I’m pretty happy to avoid all exhibitions at the NGV until they stop being so money/visitor hungry though the collection is pretty enjoyable (mostly for the distinct lack of any other living human; which is one of the reasons I like art and galleries).
This week was a black week. It started off well and descended into darkness. On Monday I felt like I was on fire with all the goals I was kicking and things I was ticking off my to-do list. Then Tuesday was a little less good, and Wednesday worse still. Until the weekend came along and I realised I’d been stress/binge-eating and just dying to hide under the duvet and watch crap Netflix for a solid week – and not just because it’s so freaking cold.
Working on an animation for a client this week. Had fun making the audio for it over the weekend. Making progress on work for MEAC exhibition. Yoyo hit 6 months. Looking for local businesses to partner with to provide drink/food at the show opening in August. Some leads but nothing for sure really. Never had much luck with that kind of thing but maybe I was just doing it wrong. We’ll see what happens.
Apparently I also missed Council funding for the animation night I’m putting on in October this year. If I wanted it this year I should have applied for the money last year. Well, fuck. No biggie I guess, I’ll just put in for a big one for 2018. Third time lucky, yes? It’s not like I was just sitting on my butt doing nothing last year watching funding deadlines fly by. I was just sitting on my butt making a baby and watching funding deadlines fly by. So I don’t feel too bad. This year still promises to be better and slightly bigger (3 times as big to be accurate) so here goes nothing.
This week’s aesthetic: Ignoring my head saying “You don’t know wtf you’re doing do you?”
Some super small screen grabs of top secret works in progress: