This week I discovered that Yoyo is a massive fan of Vegemite. And Jones somehow always seems to know when I’m about to feed her because he prepares to hoover up the chunks she drops.
Biz call with clothes factory – shit is getting reeeeaaaallz on this. Exciting. But I think it’s going to be a bit of a close call on getting the goods in when I’d like them. A good learning experience anyway and I’ll get my stuff together earlier next time now that I know a little more about the process and times.
This week I recognised myself as a bunch of scribbles heading in a general direction rather than a straight arrow. That’s why I take ages to do things… I go around in circles and off in tangents, get distracted, get excited about new ideas before I’ve pulled off previous ones. That explains why a lot of things I do aren’t always exactly polished or all that good. But I choose to call it a success if I’m engaged with it and am learning. When you emerge from your little cave of obsession and creating and see that your creation has fallen somewhat short or doesn’t hold up in comparison to what’s out there, it can be a little disheartening and a bit like,’well what the fuck then’. That’s fine. I’ll find a new obsession, take the next step in where I’m going. It can’t matter what people think of every step as long as I get something from it. Things spin around and get thrown about like a whirlwind; what you don’t need falls behind and what’s important moves with you. So, a few things I’m doing right now are new and previously unexplored. Things I didn’t realise I needed to do, things that didn’t need to be done. I’m excited and a bit wary and sceptical, but I am going to carry on.
In illustration news, I made this poster for London Pride 2017 to celebrate all the great people-loving there is out there in the world and the many types of sexualities and personalities amongst us. It’s part of a campaign called ‘Love Lives Here’ which was launched throughout London the weekend and features about 30 artists’ work plastered across London. If you come across one do take a selfie and tag me somewhere!
I don’t really want to say that the highlight of my week is that I got a haircut on Saturday. But it kind of was. That and hearing Yoyo suck her toe whilst I left her on the change mat. So funny. Coincidentally the woman who cut my hair was pregnant, as was the woman who cut my hair last time I went to the hairdresser’s a few months ago. Maybe my hair must now always be cut by pregnant women only.
What’s happened this week???? Um, last week’s über-productiveness seems to have been balanced out by this week’s utter unproductiveness. I have made 1.5 drawings and an animatic for a client. I printed a buttload of baby photos. I sent a rather long email which I deliberated over for much longer than I expected.
Feeling kind of stuck and jump-starry, I thought of another poo-analogy which describes this week’s progress/process. I’ve been kind of blurry all week, couldn’t think properly, unmotivated, fixating on things in the pipeline I have no control over. And then one morning, as I went to get Yoyo from her room, the gross stench of baby poo filled the air. It made me think… work stuff is popping out one hard nugget at a time like her constipated little turds. Each taking quite a bit of effort, discomfort and with a degree of unpredictability. Sometimes the result is nice, clean, containable; others are an absolute mess. Sometimes the timing could not be better and other times just so completely, explosively, inconvenient. And it doesn’t matter how much you want that shit to come out or how much good it would do her – if she doesn’t go, she doesn’t go. And even if I do try to control it a bit by, say, feeding her apple and carrot to speed things along, it’s not like I can tell exactly when she’s about to go. It would be nice for sure, to be able to predict just how long after eating apple and carrot until she fills her nappy with a burst of runny brown liquid poo and avoid her having to wallow in it/me having to deal with it first thing in the morning.
I have spent an inordinate amount of time this fortnight staring into a butt. Now, before you get too alarmed, it is my baby daughter’s butt and she is constipated cos she’s trying out foods that don’t come directly from me. So, I have never thought that I would actually watch poop come out of an anus before and yet this week I watched a poo come out and go back in and come out and go back into a butthole. Look, this isn’t some kind of weird fetish blog this is about being a mother, an art-inclined mother, but a mother nonetheless. And this isn’t the kind of thing anyone (that I know of certainly) talks of when they talk about motherhood. Babies are the epitome of life – beautiful, cute, mysterious (well, that’s all I ask for anyway) – and completely freaking foul. But in an indescribable, forgivable, illuminating way that makes you feel better about life. It seems to be their unique selling point, their contradictory power – to reveal the grossness and simultaneously the okayness or life.
Well, besides catching freshly delivered poo in environmentally friendly bamboo cloths, this last fortnight I have been busy working on a new show. I decided to just say YES and have a small exhibition locally. It’s my best way to be motivated to create new work cos suddenly you have a space and you have to fill it. Aaaaannd some clothing samples arrived and some plans got made, re-evaluatued and remade. And emails from some interesting people in my inbox. Fingers crossed something good comes from them.
Well, some work/work in progress here: