Slow start to the week… I don’t actually remember much of what I did except maybe have Photoshop open on my computer for most of the time without actually doing anything with it. Yoyo did a few days with minimal daytime naps & I spent most of my time trying to keep up and figure out the new schedule she’s decided on.
Managed to get a job done for an overseas client and start working up a sketch from the sketchbook. Maybe having a baby has made me more efficient and decisive – on everything but baby stuff. I’m having a tough time deciding what food to start her on. The more you want to get something ‘right’ the harder it is to start. And now that I have baby stuff to get worked up over a lot of my creative decisions seem to be less frustrating & more satisfying.
I think about time a lot these days and crave the time to dedicate to do just one thing. To focus, get immersed, fine tune and fine tune again just one single thing. Like a baby; 9 months to get made & then forever to continue becoming, growing, being created.
3 sketches below. 2 for self, 1 for client – can you guess which??
A very productive weekend follows a frustrating, circular week where I just got stuck in a repetitive loop of misery. Going round and round, trying things and doing things, making things I’m bored of and uninspired by. Starting things, dropping them halfway through, constantly second guessing myself. It’s hard to separate the ‘shit stage’ of a piece that you struggle through to reach an actually decent work and the shit stage of a work that’s just… well, shit. I started about 5 things and ended up hating them all during the week. Until the weekend when I had some actual time to get stuck into something (thanks to a brill husband who took Yoyo out for a few hours so I could sleep). That and deleting Instagram and Facebook from my phone so I stopped just scrolling through stuff when feeding Yoyo. I just fill my head with so much crap that way. Inundated by images of talented people doing amazing things; bigger, better and loved by more people than me… Just felt so weighed down by the image of everyone’s success you can feel like total worthless crap quite easily. It’s kind of debilitating and definitely restrictive. So I’m only on FB/IG when at the computer now and it’s helped! So much! Here’s something I started and dropped and picked up again on the weekend, just taking my time playing with things in Photoshop that I felt like I didn’t have the time to do before; from rough sketch, to gouache paint to messing around on Photoshop. I really need to feel engaged with my work and the challenge for me atm is to create work that allows me to experiment and stay engaged with the work but which is also appealing to others and to a certain standard. Whatever that it is.
A crying baby calls.
Feels good to be working pencil on paper again. Though this time I’m playing with pens and markers to colour up. So much faster! Still playing with clothes for Yoyo and have set myself a project to improve my/get some (!!) lettering skills. So, things are going pretty ok this week. Nice working on paper cos you let the little line wobbles and slight mishaps go instead of constantly hitting undo undo undo… & loving just doodling on the clothes. No planning or sketching beforehand & just straight in with the colours 🙂 Yoyo’s been more or less cooperative lately though last night she kept cry-yelling from a bad bout of wind. And when she wasn’t doing that she was sucking her hands so loudly they made a smack-smacking sound. And that’s what woke me at 7.30am, followed by a loud squelchy fart which hastened my jumping out of bed to change her before shit leaked everywhere. Another wondrous, beautiful morning.
What did painting mothers do before ipads? I like this quote:
Art is not meant to be created in stolen moments only
– Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Said about female writers and the idea that there’s always some housework etc they feel they ‘should’ be doing that gets in the way of writing. All time is stolen at the moment. And today the thing I felt I ‘should’ be doing instead of cracking on with all the ideas and works I have going was cleaning the explosive shit Yoyo had whilst in her car seat. It went right up her back, through her clothes and the car seat onto the plastic shell. She was wearing a onesie so it was a challenge getting her top off without smearing shit up her back and everywhere else. Needless to say, I didn’t succeed but we counted a shitless face a win. She went straight in the shower with streaks of pooey pumpkin soup yellows up her back, in her armpit etc etc. So, I am glad I got a bit of drawing time in earlier in the week.
Also had time to visit Rone working at Wall to Wall in Benalla yesterday and see Adnate’s mural in a tiny church in Goorambat. It was brill.