Got into the studio (garage) to sneak in a bit of painting tonight after dinner. Started this about 1 week after Yoyo was born. She’s now 13 weeks old. On top of time and energy constraints, today’s a day for battling doubts. The usual barage of, “This is shit!” and “You’re never going to get there! You’re shit!!” Arg.
An overactive midnight mind meant another dazed day, leading to missing the golden window of opportunity to settle Yoyo for her morning nap, resulting in an unscheduled drive to town to lull her to sleep (and stop her yell/crying). Once there, coffee, cake and shopping ensued. Obvs.
And a trip to Cheap As Chips to wonder around aimlessly after picking up a caulking gun and a 110 litre plastic tub, which I had to carry around with a sprained left wrist (over-did it whilst lopping old wood in the garden for kindling). So, this blog may also be a whinge-fest, but maybe whinging is a big part of my process. Pulling into park, I briefly wondered if disabled spots should also be used by mothers because having kids may not be a disability but it certainly is a handicap.
I could leap into a full-on whinge here but I went to Bunnings afterwards, which always brings at least a pissy-yellow stain of sunshine to a crappy day. I wondered around in a daze looking at various tools and equipment, imagining the brilliant things I could make/do with them: I could paint the mouldy bit on the ceiling finally, I could make a storage rack, I could build a shack for the garden. I could change my life around. Hardware and DIY stores don’t sell down-to-earth, handy tools and solutions to real issues – they sell dreams. They sell dreams they know you’re doomed to ruin. That’s why they also have workshops and project advice; to counsel you, to console you. So you keep returning.
I picked up some black gloves for painting because I saw how all these really cool and successful guys on Instagram with 20 million followers and loads of amazing jobs/clients etc. wore them. I dreamed that they would make my paintings immediately 20 million times more successful. And then I picked up a $50 tub of Taubmans oil based preparation sealant and primer. I had it in my hand ready to go, with visions of how it was the missing ingredient to getting that finish I’m after on my paintings, and just then Yoyo started groaning and grizzling from inside her pram. Her voice was muffled under the hood I had pulled up to keep the light out so she’d sleep longer. And with that muffled groan my vision-bubble burst and I put the paint back on the shelf. Who am I kidding – I’m not going to need that tub of paint for a long while.
Hello, my baby girl arrived right at the end of last year and she’s been keeping me pretty busy. I make work every chance I get, and have completed a few commissions & projects since her arrival. I made an animation to my song, Mess Head, on my phone using Animation Desk. It will be screened as part of For Films Sake Festival in Sydney at The Wild Rover (75 Campbell St, Surry Hills) from 27 – 29 April, 4pm – midnight. And I’ve been making little sketches of her on my phone using Sketch whilst I feed her. It keeps me awake and helps pass the time.
I’d like to have more time and energy to get on with the paintings I’ve been busting to make since before she was born. And I neeeed to play with spray paint since I’m finally in a place where I can. But between changing nappies and scrubbing shit off towels and mothers groups and cleaning the house and no lie-ins and always broken sleep etc etc yawn etc – the usual stuff mothers list on their daily to dos… it’s going to take me a little longer to build up the stamina/energy/organisational/prioritisation skills to do all that and create the things I need to. But I’m getting there. And I hope to have time to document my progress on here, more as a reflection for myself than anything, but if you’re here and you’re reading this then Hi & I hope you come back sometime to see how things are going. & maybe say Hi back, that’d be nice 🙂